Pardon Me While I Whip This Out

Scandals, whether political, sexual, or otherwise, have been a skein of yarn in the overall knitting of the fabric of any country’s social structure.

Here in America, the Democrats of late have been beating their tom-toms and whooping their war chants over incidents involving a fellow named Foley and his alleged electronic misconduct involving a couple of younger fellows.

Sigh.

Backtrack 300 years. Scandals were just as prominent then, and no better or worse. In 1777 there was Conway Cabal’s conspiracy to oust George Washington as commander of the Continental Army. Conway missed by a mile. General Washington was elected the first President of the United States.

By the 1800s, the list of bad boys and girls doing nasty things grew, and kept growing: Aaron Burr and Alexander Hamilton’s duel. Hamilton lost, by the way. And there was Judge John Pickering’s impeachment by the U.S. Senate for spewing vitriol and obscenities while on the bench and in a state of inebriation. Tammany Hall. Crédit Mobilier of America. The Whiskey Ring. William Belknap, Secretary of War, and the bribes he accepted.

Between 1900 and 1945 were the Newport Sex Scandal and the Teapot Dome Scandal. Things seemed to be tapering off. But the lull was only temporary.

Between 1945 and 1999 the list not only grew, it was impressive. To name only a few:

The 1951 Department of Justice tax scandal ... Robert Mitchum busted and jailed for smoking a marijuana cigarette ... Joe McCarthy ... Billy Sol Estes ... Bobby Baker ... Ingrid Bergman left her husband to be with Roberto Rossellini. (Not a bad thing, actually, because from that union sprouted the magnificent Isabella Rossellini.) ... Adam Clayton Powell, Jr. ... Senator Thomas Dodd ... Justice Abe Fortas ... The Pentagon Papers ... Watergate ... President Gerald Ford’s pardon of Richard Nixon ... The Milk Money Scandal ... “Lancegate” ... “Billygate” ... First Lady Betty Ford admits she’s an addict ... Senator Herman Talmadge ... Abscam ... William Casey ... Iran-Contra ... The Keating Five ... The House Banking Scandal ... Vince Foster’s “suicide ” ... Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich’s financial bad behavior ... Whitewater ... Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky.

Then 2000 rolled around:

Enron ... Trent Lott’s resignation over racial hullaballoos ... Bill Frist's involvement in campaign finance improprieties ... Abu Ghraib ... Tom DeLay ... Janet Jackson's wardrobe "malfunction" ... Sandy Berger removing classified documents, then pleading guilty ... Abramoff-Reed Indian Gambling Scandal ... Mel Gibson (funny thing, Barbara Walters publicly stated that she would never again speak to Mel after his arrest for drunkenness and alleged anti-Jewish remarks. Now we're hearing that Ms. Walters is incensed that it was not she but the classy Diane Sawyer who has nailed a first-since-the-incident interview with Mr. Gibson. Shades of John Kerry: "I voted for it before I voted against it.")

And now, Mark Foley.

On the peccadillo peter meter, Mr. Foley's bugaboo should be rated a measley "2," 10 being the worst. Yet, the Democrats have called for a jihad against him, and at a time when more heinous events have occured in our country, namely the killing of innocent children in their schools. How can the Democrats justify their wailing over a couple of inappropriate e-mails when mothers and fathers have had to bury daughters who had been shot to death in cold blood?

In the grand scheme of things, this, like all other scandals before it, will not cause Earth to crash into the sun, and neither will the crops wither and die. Liberals should accept that this latest tittle-tattle pales in comparison to lean pastrami on rye, which is more tasty and fulfilling. They should also engage in a good game of dodgeball, which they would find more fun and satisfying.

Democrats should expend the same amounts of energy that they've poured over the Foley affairs on convicting, sentencing and executing terrorists who plot and kill innocent Americans, as well as men who kidnap, torture, rape and murder little boys and girls.

I have arrived at the conclusion that it would be best if the Republican Party remain in control, warts and all, to iron out the kinks, mend the rips and tears, and resolve the problems they have created. It's either them or the whimpering, simpering Left who have accomplished little or nothing other than bang their gongs at a time when respectful silence should have been the order of the day.

I'm now anxious to hear what the Left have to say -- if they could take a break from marinating in their own testosterone -- about North Korea's detonation of an underground nuclear device. This is something to lose sleep over. Not Mark Foley.